“She doesn’t put everything into her movements. she doesn’t move like the rest of the girls.”
Why should I care about what some person on youtube thinks of my dancing in a video of a rehearsal that was taken when I was 16? But these tears streaming down my face aren’t just for that. They’re for everything and everyone lately who has put me down and made me feel like I am worthless. Like my so called former best friend telling me that I have ruined my reputation and credibility as an effective leader after talking to other behind my back about me. As if I don’t put enough pressure on myself as it is, having outside sources whether friend or stranger put me down is the last thing I need. I try so hard, every single day to be the person that I am. I push through my shyness, I dance because it’s fun and I love it despite not being flexible or coordinated, I make color coded charts when I’m stage managing to be as efficient as possible, I send people pictures that remind me of them so that they know they have a friend. I am nineteen years old and I try so hard to be all that I can and all that I am asked to be but sometimes the world is just so damn mean it’s hard to push through and not let all the criticisms and negativity break me down every once in awhile.
Taylor says it best, “You, with your switching sides and your walk-by lies and your humiliation. You, have pointed out my flaws again as if I don’t already see them. I’ll walk with my head down trying to block you out ‘cause I’ll never impress you. I, just wanna feel okay again.”
To all you people who think I can’t do whatever I set my mind to: “Someday I’ll be, living in a big ole city. And all you’re every gonna be is MEAN.