I felt like this a month ago today. A month ago this weekend I thought I was finally ready to move on. But this weekend the same exact thing happened, just a different guy. I can’t keep going through this every month and having it all come back to you. I can’t keep listening to “Someone Like You” and crying late at night when I think everyone’s asleep and doesn’t hear me. It’s not suppose to be like this, I’m suppose to be over you by now, I’ve done all the calculations, followed all the steps… there’s nothing left for me to want from this. But I feel like you’re not even here any more. Before I was your world, and now I can’t even manage to hang out with you to do homework. It doesn’t matter if they can give me what you never could because I still want everything you have. I wanna take walks through campus discussing the meaning of life. I want to want to wake up early for breakfast because it means spending more time together. I want those long goodbye hugs that seem to last forever. Can’t I still have all those things? Did me not being up to your standards suddenly mean I had to say goodbye to everything I loved about us?
“Sometimes it hurts instead, huh?”
One day you’re happy and holding hands; you can’t imagine what life would be like without talking to that person everyday. Then in the blink of an eye it is all a memory and you’re left two years later not even recognizing the photograph of the two of you that doesn’t even seem real. How can he literally pretend like nothing happened and I’m completely invisible? How can he really just walk by me and treat me like a stranger. Did I really do something to deserve this? Who do you think you are? Running around leaving scars; collecting your jar of hearts; tearing love apart. You’re gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul. Even after all this time, it hurts like salt water in a fresh wound to know you’re more than content to never look me in the eyes again.